Grief, the feeling of the absent loved one, especially when the person dies unexpectedly and sooner then desired (so not the older person who experienced many long and happy years of life) comes strangely periodically for me. Around the her birthday and death day and during holidays with family, I especially miss my older sister. Furthermore, my own birthday reminds me how young she left (age 27), and how much time moves onwards. So as I turn two years older then the sister born two years prior to me, I embrace the birthday candles with hopeful wishes while mourning her whose life was blown out short.
Big Sissy,
Monday, February 20 2023, I turn 29, and in celebration I painted my toes coral, your favorite color… you strangely loved the shape of your cubicles….. 29, two years older than you who was born two years prior to me- 1992, 1994. 27 so young, I gave birth to the cute chatter box Tristan at 27, your unmet nephew. Now, at 29, I’ve lived just long enough to give birth to a girl, the niece you desired, expected close to your birthday, also a Gemini. May I give her your middle name Louise- the warrior? A name you cherished as we teased my Stewart middle name. Our chosen name for a girl- Olivia, a name I believe you liked…. What would you name your daughter? I wish I could ask, I wish I could share the joys and stresses of bearing and raising littles with you. Another year close to 30, the final facing of potential crazy (bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and other major issues normally come up prior to 30 years of age). Oh 29, such an insignificant milestone, yet I feel the strange switch of now I walked two years more around this side of heaven on Earth than you two-year older big sister and how I wish you could meet in person your second nephew and first niece or just see my pretty coral toenails.
Love,
Liz
So, for each milestone embrace the pleasure and pain, the crying and celebrating for both indicate great love shared. So I turn twenty- nine and yes, I am feeling fine.
“a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance”
- Ecclesiastes 3:4
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