"So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Matthew 19:6
Opposite attract or attack? Recently my husband and I retook an Meyers-Briggs personally assessment to discover the already acknowledged elephant in the room: we are complete opposites. The data showed that we differed on every single letter. My husband personality results showed him as an ISTP ( The Virtuoso- Introvereted, Observant, Thinking, and Prospecting) while my results revealed me as an ENFJ ( The Protagonist- Extraverted, Intitive, Feeling and Judging). An ISTP thrives on innovating and experimenting who speaks plainly and honestly and interacts with others only when necessary, while an ENFJ desires to inspire others to their full potentionals with a relentless determination to do what they feel is right. Thus my husband responses and needs often contradict with my own: I desire up-time, he desires down-time, I build upon little details, he looks mostly big-picture, I value words, he values actions, I yearn for interaction, he longs for aloneness (thus COVID-19 lock-downs proved a nightmare for me and a daydream for him). This day verses night, ying verses yang balance dance we waltz through in our marriage both results in attraction and attacks. With the divine graces of forgiveness and unconditional love provided by living faithfully the sacrament of matrimony, a couple becomes entangled in the union of the trinity. In plainer words, God glues together man and women into "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24), as only the Creator can. Yet, as we humans lack divine perfect love we find practical ways to love even with our imperfections. So as a spouse married to my complete opposite, I lean on these tips making the acronym CULT (short for CULTivate, not the creepy kind):
Choose: choices are made everyday, including choosing your spouse daily as your person, as your partner not your enemy, to choose to stay together until
death due you part as vowed years ago.
Understand: when yoked to your opposite, your instinct to pull in different directions feels strong. Yet when seeking to understand the other persons' perspective, powerful leading occurs in the same direction, and suddenly strengths outweigh weaknesses.
Laugh: a sense of humor releaves tension as you learn to laugh at your own qualms while also sticking your tongue out at your spouses' stubbornness. Definately needed when stresses arise.
Trust: Truly the most important piece, rather the foundation, trust means believe in your spouse's affection for you even during disputes. When my husband struggles to express with words, or needs space away to recooperate, I must trust in his timing and ways to express love. Moreover, I choose to trust in God who united us for a lifetime for a reason.
Regardless of how your spouse and your personalities traits differ (literally every letter for us), every relationship must be CULTivated by Choosing one another daily, Understand and accepting each others differing perceptions, Laughing through stresses as much as possible, and Trusting in your spouse and God to show affection in their own way.
So may your opposites traits attract your spouse rather than become moments to attack one another for those differences!
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