“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called,
with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
-Ephesians 4:1-3
I got kicked out of bible study- okay not explicitly- more implicitly as I received the most gentle rebuke possible by the kindest Catholic Momma, “Maybe you could tell Matthew to be kind to other kids and moms like he was playing with my six month old. We want other moms to feel comfortable bringing their kids.” Then I was kicking myself as annoyance, hurt and shame attacked my momma heart. Apparently, another mom of a baby was “caught off guard” when my almost four year old came too close to her holding her baby on the couch. So, she expressed her concern to a leader of the mom’s bible study who relayed the concern to another bible study leader who finally addressed me directly in a non-confrontational game of intervention telephone. Of course every time before interacting with other kiddos, we talk about how “hands are for high-fives and for hugs not for hitting” and when frustrated to “use words, make space and get help.” Absolutely aghast that my kid made anyone uncomfortable to join into Christian community and with the implication I am not addressing my toddlers emotional regulation and self-control growth, I concluded the most obvious solution: “Stop going because you and your sons ain’t a good fit.” Thus, the result of self-kicking-out of my parish’s momma’s Thursday morning bible study.
Of course with all experiences, especially not comfortable ones, yield learning opportunities.
Stop trying to squeeze square pegs into round holes: the environment matters. The Bible study I aggrievedly attempted to attend, occurs in a small room with a large table in the middle, a T.V and couches lined up against the walls. The play space with room to build with blocks is about four by two feet. Used as a “teen room” this space works for adults or young adults to chill and discuss spiritual growth. Furthermore, infants and young babies under the age of two with more limited mobility squeeze easily into this smaller area. However, a larger four year toddler who likes to climb, run and build blocks uninterrupted by little grabbing fingers, resembles a “bull in the China shop” in such a space. But, I swimming in the big river of denial, attempted to contain my big boy in a small place to selfishly seek some community. Furthermore, my outgoing almost 19 month old frequently wanders around the room trying to steal snacks or give away toys, and wanting to speak to other mommas (definitely not a clinger). The result, an awkward attempt to fit my littles, into an unideal environment.
2. Find your Village: the old yet true cliche applies “It takes a village to raise a child.” When interacting with other moms, especially on a regular basis, not only you but your children must be compatible. Mom-dating feels just as awkward as traditional dating with the extra layer of complications in regards to the children companionship. Mothers possess different temperaments and parenting styles especially in tolerance of other people’s children. My boys are active and confident climbers who enjoy interacting with others and moving around. My husband and I encourage independence, and responsibility by not hovering close-by and expecting them to figure out solutions and clean up after themselves. Well, when others view your child as a nuisance and don’t desire to interact with your child (or even feel comfortable enough to redirect your child’s behavior), then these mommas ain’t part of your village. Even a spoken understanding of shared behavior believes and grace given to each child’s challenges and quirks aid in encourages communal support. So both mommas, children must get along.
So sometimes a kick-out serves as a wake-up call to embrace your season. Trust your gut to find the right environment for you and your children to thrive in with good communal support, and be graciously aware enough to walk away to give yourself and others peace. So fair well by faring others well by saying “farewell.”
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