“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” -Ephesians 5:22-24
Cringe-worthy bible verse that tears apart the determined and control-freak settings of my mind! Submissive- the last adjective to describe my determined, active, and stubborn personality! In marriage, a strong partnership requires communication and compromise rather than my default ask- forgiveness rather than permission and stubbornly opinionated! As I share my struggles of being submission with other wives and moms in marriages of a few years, a decade and even over thirty years, I realized that I am not alone as I hear these statements:
“The only way my husband fixes something around the house is if I start to do it myself.”
“If I do something it takes a few days, if I want for my husband it takes months.”
“He has the MAN-Flu which means he sits around and complains about how bad he feels while women suck-it-up and keep caring for the household.”
Too relatable as I look around at our unmade bed , our broken dishwasher door that leaks, a window in the upstairs bathroom and permeates water into our living room ceiling, a moldy front facade that needs pressure-washing and a broken car with the hood up in our garage. I’ve reminded, pushed, and begged about these house issues and yet no progress.
Not just chores and home project do women tend to grow weary about with their men, but a much more critical and concerning issue: men as spiritual heads of the household.
These conversations break my heart:
“You are a professional spiritual player and I play recreationally.”
“My husband does not go to mass with my son and I.”
“Church stuff is my thing and my husband isn’t interested.”
Too relatable in my own home as my husband states,
“I am not comfortable going to mass right now with our son.”
So, I try and create a scenario where we can attend mass together by asking if my parents can watch our son Sunday night. His reply,
“It’s too much to entertain your family, make sure we have a dinner prepared or bought, leave for mass and have your family stay until 8:30pm on a Sunday evening with work the next day.”
My retort: “You are not spiritually leading our family well. We can and should find a way to go to mass in person. To partake in the Eucharist, the source and summit of our Faith!”
For I and other women I know feel the saddest choice: Faith or marriage. These shouldn’t be juxtaposed! For marriage is a sacrament sustained and united only by God! But the lack of practiced faith among our Adams, leaves us Eves without someone stopping us from biting that a apple and succumbing to our desire for control.
Wives submit- oh how we need our men to give us someone worth submitting to: Jesus Christ who died for His bride the Church!
I’ve married a good man, he loves our son and provides finances and laughter to our family. Yet, what I desire even more than motivation to fix house projects, is a husband with an active and practicing faith. After all if faith without works is dead, then works without faith is damnation.
So how do we as wives and mothers fight this sad reality of active wives and passive husbands in marriages? Of course we communicate, not nagging but asking for help with difficult home improvement projects. Moreover, we pray pleading for Saint Joseph to intercede and direct our men to the Church as he guided his Holy wife Mary.
My submission: putting down the screw-you-I-can-do-it-myself attitude to carry my humble cross of “I need your strength to rise up and lead me, I can’t shoulder our household and salvations alone.”
Comments