Motherhood= the sustaining of a child take away the mother’s self. From womb carrying to breastfeeding you’re baby literally survives off your very self. Then of course the fears and worries associated with the fierce desire to keep your bundle of joy and bodily discharges alive to produce a healthy amount of those fluids. Such a truth of motherhood: the loss of self. Jesus tells us, to find our lives we must lose it; thus children make parents saints through teaching us to carry our crosses with un love.
Lately, I’ve felt the load as my identity completely stripped away: first my body and thoughts with having a newborn, then my childhood family with the violent and untimely death of my older sister, and finally with the newest revelation the career I dreamed of since 4th grade, being an elementary school teacher, as not the right fit for me. In this quarter-life crisis, I await new identity. Who am I as a mother, and what work should I do? I lack answers; but I am fixated on the word SUSTENANCE and the question: what sustains me?
Instead of subtracting equation, I am sustained by this philosophy: motherhood= sustaining of a child through seeking life. In a more practical words: keep doing what you love with your small human. If you want to exercise, run with baby. If you want to go outside, take baby with you. If you love reading, take your baby to the library and let him chew on pages as you feed your mind. If you love to paint, paint while you watch your baby play. If you need to clean the kitchen to feel good about your home, plop baby in a standing toy and let him watch you sweep (a good example of his future chores). If you must write like I do, write with your little one napping on your arm. Having children should enhance not consume your life.
Yes, the pace of life changes, and time is a fleeting commodity. Yet, by the self-discipline of choosing sustaining activities, we claim each hour. I am not suggesting the glass is half full or half-empty, but rather the existence and purity of the water. In other words, now with even more limited time, check the quality of what you do (less junk t.v shows and more meaningful podcast). So I seek sustenance as I learn my new self and whatever work God has prepared in advance for me to do. Right now, I am crawling like my six going on seven month old. Soon, both of us will take those sweet wobbly baby steps!
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