“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.” - Romans 12:9
A mother safe-guard” her home by deciding what her children eat, what activities they participate in, and the media time/ type exposed to. But how often do we “safe-guard” our time and relationships? Really “good things” such as helping out neighbors, friends, churches and schools deplete our most precious resource: time/energy. So the ability to set boundaries (to acknowledge the limited capacity of one’s time and energy in order to create priorities), becomes a critical skill. I recently found myself in a co-dependent friendship that resulted in me trying to “fix” my friend’s personal issues (caught up in drama). Overtime, resentment of her frequent presence (multiple times a week), took away my energy towards growing my marriage and sons.
Then, I discovered the absolute joy in setting limits and such BOUNDARIES protect my household into peaceful place.
So, whether you are a momma stretched thin with too many responsibilities (especially if you struggle to say “no” when asked to help) feeling disconnected in your marriage, or find yourself in a toxic spiral with a friend or family member set SAFE boundaries.
S-SACRED
Decide what is sacred to your time/ energy and worth protecting. My faith in God, my relationship with my husband, and my sons serve as my purpose on this planet. So any circumstance that hinders the peace and unity with my loved ones must be severely limited.
For example, if a neighbor ask for assistance or the phone rings during dinner, they must wait because this critical time allows for bonding with my husband and kids. Also, we only allow guests over for dinner once a week, so we can keep a calm evening flow for parents and kiddos.
A-AFFIRM
Affirm the values and tone of your home with your partner. To encourage teamwork and communication (aka unity) in your marriage, discuss what safeguards to set. For example, as a introvert , my husband handles only one social outing weekend, and needs a relaxed weekend after a trip to recharge. As the extrovert and family scheduler, I protect his recharge time as well as honor my own needs for reviving community. The balance act encourages a happy home.
F-FENCE
Build a fence, not a wall around your time and household. Fences easily open and close keeping outside world visible while also providing limits along property lines. So, not being afraid to let others into your life (love in vulnerable) while also being courageous in closing the gate when need be. For example, if a friend or family member posts a picture of your child on social media or gives sweets to your child without permission, directly stating in a firm but loving tone, “This is not okay, please ask me before affecting my kid’s privacy or diet.” After all, your household well-being matters more then outside relationships with friends or extended family members (yes, even grandparents who take too many liberties on how you want to raise your children).
E-EVALUATE
After pondering what is sacred to you, affirming that sacredness with your partner, and setting up healthy fences for your household EVALUATE: How am I feeling? Any stress on my time? Any resentment with relationships, or time constraints? Is my home a sacred and peaceful place with mostly joyful members? Are more boundaries needed to set in place? Reassessing and adjustment may be necessary. For example, after setting boundaries in a co-dependent friendship by limiting time together to encourage a healthier friendship, further disagreements about treating others increased the boundary from friends to friendly acquaintances. Although boundary setting may initially hurt others, long-term benefits allow for a healthier household. Boundaries require constant evaluation and adjustment.
Why SAFE boundaries? Because harboring resentment and holding on to depleting circumstances leads to burnout in the most meaningful calling: wife and mother. So happy healthy limit setting, may your boundaries stay SAFE and sound!
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