Adaptable, flexible, and full of grit, qualities that define resilience, a trait critical east of Eden where suffering, pain and death occurs. A skill developing in me, unexpectedly, like my mom's tulip bulb cast over her balcony that miraculously grew and now blooms red and pink annually, to freak out less to little trials. When small grievances such as my makeup press powder delivered shattered (returned and then again arrived as dust), and my matcha green-tea latte spills leaving the shop, I've stopped spiraling into a bad mood, and I am learning to let go of my inner-toddler tantrums ("WHY IS THE UNIVERSE OUT TO GET ME!"). Though yes, such trivial matters, such as cleaning up pureed food on the floor for the third time in a day due to the marvelously messy method of eating my one year old enjoys, does not warrant a mental breakdown, often such little stresses deteriorate calm within me. When fully depleted, I explode. So to increase emotional resilience, I've learned to let off steam with 3 R's: Remark, Reframe, and Refresh.
1. REMARK: acknowledge the frustration, by stating the feeling
Even minor grievances such as:
-"I am disappointed that my make-up powder arrived shattered so now I must have the trouble of returning and reordering the product I need"
- "I am sad that my drink spilled mostly full because of the waste of money and drinking enjoyment"
Even acknowledging slightly larger challenges such as:
-"I feel bad that my one year old needs glasses and that I've failed him as a mother"
-"I am annoyed at my neighbors for telling me that my one year old is behind the car because I felt exposed as a neglectful mother."
2. Reframe: same emotion with a positive twist
For minor grievances:
-"Though I am disappointment about my shattered make-up arriving in the mail, the return process and repurchasing will not take that long."
-"Though I spilled my drink all over the ground, I missed my clothing."
For larger challenges:
-"Though my little one needs glasses, he will look really adorable in them!"
-"Though my neighbors seem concerned, I am confident in my more hands-off approach that involves walking away from my toddlers in safe situations for short periods of time."
3. Refresh: any sorrow wrapped in gratitude becomes a joy
Those pesky minor annoyances:
-"I am grateful that I have the time to go to the UPS store and the ability to purchase the powder I need."
-"I am grateful for the sips of Matcha Green-tea Latte I did enjoy and to not consume anymore of the calories and that I already enjoyed a pumpkin-donut."
Those bigger grievances:
-"I am grateful we went to the eye-doctor to treat my youngest son's eye stigma early to prevent later vision damaged. Also, that our vision insurance covers the cost of glasses. Furthermore, since I am at home, I can more easily train him to wear his glasses. Finally, I am hopeful he may outgrow the stigmatism and find vision correction unnecessary."
-"I am grateful for neighbors who care about the well-being of my children and feel comfortable enough to call-out unsafe situations."
The 3 R's of Resilience (Remark, Reframe, Refresh) occur within seconds as thoughts drift into difficult situations, allowing for relieve of the pain by giving peace. The process of letting go and going with the flow, and unexpected growth within my motherhood.
"And not only this, but we also celebrate in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
-Romans 5: 3-5
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