"For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.[a]
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them."
-PSALM 139: 14-16
35, almost 36 weeks pregnant with my third child, several short weeks from full term, a belly swollen bursting with the kicking little girl inside of me... like a little bomb about to implode day or night coming into the world to change our family of four of two little boys into a family of five with our first little female. Oh I am ready, oh I am not! Nice and round with slightly swollen fingers and ankles, I waddle about the day traveling with a hospital bag and infant car-seat in our lovely SUV just in case. The unknown about labor: fast and furious like the others? Day or Night? Vaginal like the first two or caesarean for the first time? Wanting to get the hard part of delivery over with but yearning for the best timing. I am fat, tired and frankly concerned about my four year old and 21 month year old being taken care of; as well as me as I experience for the third time the most powerful and most vulnerable sensation of giving birth. How does one survive with spontaneous natural labor looming?
1.HE KNOWS: the God who created her, formed and knit together the precious soul in my womb- knows her birthday and His timing is perfect.
my surrender mantra: Lord, I surrender and give you my womb, I give you this birth, Father carry me through.
2. STILL HERE: Gratitude for the lovely warmer days, my sons giggling and wanting to talk with me, the calm and helpful presence of my dear husband who provides meals, and wrestles with the boys.
3. LOOK FORWARD: To holding this little one outside of my body, and not dealing with gassy, bloated feelings, to start the adjustment period and healing process so unique to the fourth trimester. To introducing another sibling to love on and slow down this summer to a mostly at home, back porch adventure pace, with the assistance of my husband, family and middle school kids to help occupy the older so I may focus on inhaling the sweet new-born scent.
So by surrendering the delivery to God, practicing gratitude in the present waiting and looking forward by already celebrating our daughter's arrival, I am calming the ticking quickening my heartbeat as my bomb belly prepares to burst. So for whatever major change hastens on your life, may surrender, gratitude and celebration hold your beating heart in a calming love. Ready or not, here she comes!
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