The early morning wail that makes ya wonder if your child is secretly the incredible hulk after 2am and makes ya wish for a rooster or even an air horn for an alarm clock instead. But here you are, laying awake faced with the first philosophical baby connumtrim: “Do I pick up my child or let him self-soothe?” “Is letting my child cry healthy or will definitely cause attachment issues which will result in a lot of therapy bills later on?”
The school of mommy thoughts: here’s the deal that you have to wrestle with- I mean with a lot of paranoid google searches and messages to mommy family and friends...
1. The Nautralist 4th Trimeseter School of thought:
- wear your baby skin to skin as much as possible
- pick up and soothe your child straight away
- feed on demand: every 2-3 hours 8-12 hours a day
My experience: my son cluster feed from 2-6pm then slept from 6pm until 11pm. Then again he cluster fed from 12 until 4 am. No sleep for momma and extra sore nipples! I felt like a walking vending machine not a parent.
2. The Old School “out-dated” Not recommended by your peditrician School of thought:
-schedule feeding and nap times every four hours:
i.e 6am feed and nap, 10am feed and nap, 2pm feed and play with baby, shorter naps with lots of noise if needed, 6pm feed, keep baby awake (9pm bath time) 10pm feed and put to bed- do not feed or touch until 6am
- letting baby cry is okay and healthy
My experience: My son took to the schdule really well- not crying inbetween feeding times, and I often wake him up for the next feeding time. During his naps I could start aload of laundry (and even fold it on a really good day!), sleep and shower. Heck, I even looked forward to feeding times because I on the feast for my son and have more patience for a longer feed. The sleep through the night is partially sucessful with son waking up at 4:30 am, the 5:00am and 4:00am (so close but not quite)- letting him cry for a hour until closer to feeding time breaks my heart..... and my eardrums.
Enrollment in School: Really mommas it comes down to opinion and who you are.
Professionally I am an elementary school teacher and my pedagogy studies informed me that children always need schedules, rules, and discipline. Under this glorious trinity children thrive knowing what is going to happen next with their needs taken care of. However, this does not always mean everything is predictable and in control- just ordered chaos- a structure for mayhem. But as soon as I becamd a mother of a newborn the hospital staff and pediatricians informed me that sleep is impossible, and that my entire existence is to feed and care for my little one by his demands. “You can’t spoil a newborn!“ And yet in my rebellious heart I cried, “ a baby comes into your life not your life becomes the baby.“ For I believe in healthy boundaries and loving disicipline.
Ahhh but the Mom trifecta of guilt, shame, and worry hit me hard like a wailing baby in a bassinett next to my ear.
Guilt: what if I am being selfish is scheduling my son just my own needs and sanity?
Shame: Going against the doctors orders unlike the majority of mothers who are suffering from sleep deprivation
Worry: What if my son is not gaining weight and I am wrong for scheduling him?
So I call my husbands relatives: mother, sister, aunt, and cousin who for generations knew Dr. Denmark and followed her scheduling practices successfully. With 75 years of pedtirician experience and methods she studied herself , I am okay with following old school style that stands the test of time. After all, as an educator I experiencd firsthand the harmful effects of following new teaching trends that change the curriculum annually without careful firsthand study of what is actually happening in the classroom. With my traditinal tendencies and my beliefs about children aligned, I feel less lost- like I know who I am as a parent. And my almost 2 week baby boy is gaining weight, healthy, and calm the majority of the day (except for early morning wake up calls, bathtime and diaper changes, and when we are keeping him up from 6pm-10pm). Despite my fears I feel like we are finding what works for our little family- a God-given blessed and sometimes tranquil trinity.
Find who you are as a parent- not being afraid to go against the grain to follow your momma gut. Take the advice of others who you trust and do not be afraid to say, “no.”
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