I feel good- duh-na-duh-na-duh-na-na.
For reals- I feel good-so good. Does that mean I felt bad before? Well, maybe not so black and white as those opposites- more gray like a fog that clears. Yet, hazy horizons evoke a mysterious beauty. But now, I bask in a more clear bright visible horizon...
Why now am I so merry?
Here’s my good list- oh so very nice!
PHYSICALLY: I’ve lost just enough weight that my body feels more like my own though I am still my son’s milkmaid at least 4 times a day. I finally found a haircut and style that fits my face, styling abilities and time restraints, and I am loving the short sweet simplicity. Though I have continued weight loss goals to combat my Santa belly.
MENTALLY: The strain of not contributing to our family budget fighting with my resolution to stay at home with our son, is finally relieved a little. Getting up super early to teach Chinese children English provides the hope: that there is a union between our needs and my wants. I spend three hours working in the morning before my son awakes teaching, then I spend the whole day caring for him and taking care of the never ending house chores. Surprisingly, I enjoy this tutoring and convenient type of teaching where I just simply teach. This buys me more time with my son at the cost of a stricter routine and the added bonus of putting my degree to use.
EMOTIONALLY: With my wedding bands resized, my hand feels complete again. The day we buried my older sister, my husband and I picked up the bands- and I felt like apart of myself came back. The joyful skinner bride who felt cherished by God and herself, wore those rings last. Before pregnancy swoll my fingers, and the death of a loved one broke my heart, I wore those rings. Now, I am starting to believe in the beauty again- the fidelity of God like the sapphire stone centered in the set.
SPIRITUALLY: A steady flow of podcasts, advent devotionals, and a Thursday morning women’s discipleship group feeds the river of my soul. I feel less alone in this beautiful mess of motherhood Also, in the afternoon and evenings, I am able to phone call dear friends and talk about life. This flexible freer time allows me the most important spiritual practice of stillness- a slower simpler space. Furthermore, my hard-earned spiritual attitude of surrender and trust in the daily provision of the Lord, provides the elixir to my control freak. So I let joy in the unknown wash over me like the shifting ocean tides.
My dear Momma, if you are walking in a haze hold on for the lost will be found, and all will be merry and bright. This truth has a ring to it.
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