Dear Carolyn,
My big, bossy, beautiful, and beloved sister, Happy 30th earthly birthday, and third heavenly one. So many threes- a trinity of love: remembering the past with you, teaching about you in the present and wishing for a future with you.
1. The Past: I miss your green eyes, tan skin, sassy ways and adventurous spirit. Your love of going deep into conversation unafraid of speaking about taboo topics from politics to religion with great passion and compassion. You relaxing on your avocado float at the lake tanning in the sun with an adult beverage in your pink flamingo mini-float. Your competitive spirit playing “A Ticket to Ride” to the point of bickering with me about taking to long on my turn or winning the game. You hiking or traveling with Christine with heavy backpacks as I stayed home with my firstborn baby.
2.The Present: My firstborn son, the only one you met, answering so many questions about going to his “Bebe’s” house to celebrate your 30th birthday. I told him that you live in heaven with Jesus. Although, we cannot see you, we can ask Jesus to tell you we love you. “Hi Jesus, hi Aunt Carolyn,” my three year old replied, “Who is Carolyn’s daddy?” “Your Nono, who is your daddy as well.” I respond. “No, who is her Daddy that is with her?” “God, her Heavenly Father who is celebrating her birthday with her.” Then my persistent toddler insist we have cake for you and gifts (well that he gets a front-loader garbage truck toy). “I want to go to heaven, I have never been.” Since, your last birthday, I gave birth to another son. My expressive, and talkative second son touched your grave saying, “hiiiiiii!” He may be too loud for your taste because as you stated one time after babysitting, “babies are great because they can’t talk!” Such a cute and happy baby who you will never met this side of heaven.
3.The Future: “Death is nothing to be afraid of because we get to meet Jesus face to face though we miss loved ones we cannot see when they die” I attempt to explain to my toddler. So, I hope to see you again one day, Beloved sister. Though sometimes I wonder if you lived into your thirties- would you be married? Have children? Would we be competing and comparing our offspring as “healthy” sisters do? How would you heal from your mental illness and handle the pandemic, the political climate in the USA and the war in Ukraine? Oh how I wish to see you age, and mature in your thirties.
So to the past recalling you, the presence without you and the future wished and hoped for, may a trinity of faith, hope and love enveloped your third birthday in heaven, dear older sister. For you are no longer forsaken , Beloved.
“You shall no more be termed Forsaken, and your land shall no more be termed Desolate, but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her, and your land Married; for the LORD delights in you, and your land shall be married.”
Isaiah 62:4
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