It happened. The sad seemingly inevitable truth that a baby adds responsibility, the responsibility adds stress, the stress adds resentment, resentment adds bitterness and bitterness results in bickering. Thus the simple formula calculates as baby equals more fighting between his parents. I truly view my son as a gift from God, who pours blessings of his laughter, faces, and adorable waddle walk. His newest trick- finding objects and putting them in random places like my husband’s car keys in our laundry basket. So by no fault of my son’s, but simply a principal of postpartum: the marriage strains in the beginning of parenthood. In the delivery room my body literally torn open to welcome our son into this world. Since that day, my body, mind, emotions and profession tore apart. I spend all day caring for our son at home, feed him with my body and deal with postpartum hormones affecting my thoughts and feelings. Meanwhile, my husband works, helps with evening routine and relaxes. This whole parenting thing affected my husband much LESS! Thus seeds of resentment sprout into bitterness and chokes the fragile shoots of our marriage. So like my wonderful lady parts, we sew the pieces together, slowly, intentionally by God’s grace.
1. 60/40 Principal: Not everything can always be 50/50. For example I do the majority of the housework due to the fact I am able to. So trying to keep it even keel adds to the mental load by trying to keep tabs on this always swaying scale. Jesus speaks about the pointing out the speck in another’s eye while there is a plank in your own. It is easy to look at your hubby think he is not doing enough. However, the harder but healthier thought is: how am I really loving and providing for my partner?
2.Replace Nagging with Thanking: When your partner unloads the dishwasher- thank him. When your partner takes baby for a minute so you can do your bathroom business in peace, thank him. This acknowledgment for things you do practically always, is not for your partner but for you. Gratitude will rewire your brain away from the lone-wolf sufferer mentality to the truth that you are not alone in this parenting thing. Because if you are married, you have a partner who helps shoulders the weight of raising your children which is a daily blessing to be grateful for!
3.Daily Day Dating: Flirtatious interactions like a small kiss on the cheek or pinch on their other cheek, when seeing one another in the evening rituals (washing dishes, bathing baby, etc), goes a long way; especially since long romantic interactions such as dinner and a movie or slower-paced sexual intimacy is a rarer occurrence. This season with a baby forces more little moments added together than bigger events to keep the spark going.
Don’t worry momma a cord of three is not easily broken! Since you and your husband are bonded by vows before God, conflict in this new and challenging season of parenthood will not snap y’all. Over time the bonds of raising children tighter your grip on one another , but only if you hold on!
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