When a seed burst open to sprout, I always imagined the process rather uncomfortable. With any change there are growing pains. A small human blossoms continuously, especially the first year of life. Tiny sprouts of achievements such as reaching out for toys or a new sound like groweling, occur weekly if not daily. Very green and flexible, my son grows easily, but me, more deeply rooted, I really feel the growing pains.
Our anniversary around the Fourth of July my husband and I reflected on our big-bang-bright-beautiful-like- fireworks first year of martimony with this trifect: a new house, a new car, and a new baby. I thought weathering all this newness helped strenghten my roots. However, after baby, God took out His merciful pruning scissors and snipped at my heart.
Last week, we adjusted baby schedule to include an earlier bedtime (yay for freer evenings with some marriage quality time) and an earlier rise time (yay for sunrise stretches and cuddles). Besides preparing for sleep training with a 12 hour through the night, we shifted our son’s awake sleep patterns to prepare for the greatest growing pain of my life thus far: going back to work after staying home with my firstborn son.
God gives abundantly and I believe that He planted me at a Christian preschool for a reason. He uniquely designed me to flourish the most when I’m pouring love into His little ones and I know His harvest is plentiful. However, with new year orientation, training and finally full time working approaching at the end of this month, I am feeling the pain. Last Tuesday, I broke down crying late at night and into the next day, my pour baby looked confused at his upset momma. The thought of someone else caring for my son the majority of the day, tears my heart. A baby’s separation from his mother, no matter how ideal the situation (my son will be right down the hall from me so I can see him during the day) always hurts. My son will flourish with more loving care (plus hopefully baby friends) and I will delight all the more in the moments we share during the day (my wonderful school lets me breastfeed). But still, the raindrops come, and will keep coming as we experience growing pains.
In all external sense, both in legal terms and in phyiscal interactions, babies are dependents. However, emotionally and mentally speaking I, an independent woman, am the dependent one. I depend on the love of God to sustain my soul. I depend on the help of my husband, my child’s grandparents and soon my school’s caregivers to sustain my son. I depend on friendships to learn from and lean on through my motherhood venture. Moreover, I depend on the love we share in our little family to motivate my hard work and provide a purpose- a trinity of abudant love like the Holy Family. So now, I acknowledge as I reach towards heavens that I depend on sunshine and rain out of my control to grow.
So to mommas everyday I declare “Happy Dependence Day!” Find your village to help raise your child (you cannot carry this one on your own). Don’t fear the growing pains that yield more life in due season! Yet don’t hold back on the sadness that shows your deep love welling up in you for your baby.
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