2020 summed up in a single word: Broken.
The blatant in your face brokenness of a worldwide pandemic and American political division all very visible on the outside.
The time at home full of restrictions on social interactions to stay safe yet longing to stay sane with socialization, takes its toll.
As a wife and mother, my impatience, anger and frustration bursts out burning my husbands and toddler. So, the brokenness digs deep like stubborn weeds choking the Word planted in me longing to come to fruition by the grace of God.
In mass, masked before the altar begging, pleading on my knees for healing of brokenness externally, and internally.
As I gaze at the beautiful sanctuary (ahh the loveliness of a safe place to rest) I am reminded and restored by the truth of my Catholic Faith ways to experience wholeness:
For my inadequacy as as wife and mother, the gentle touch of Mary to guide me in humility.
She gives me nothing but patient understanding that child rearing, teaching and homemaking give me such purpose yet drains me. So I come to be consoled by the Mothers of Mother who tenderly pats my weary head.
For the frustrating angry words from my husband (most of the time justified), the calm silent steadiness of Joseph. He reminds me that actions state a thousand words and to fight to trust in the man I vowed the rest of my life to.
For the hunger of my soul I am filled with the Eucharist, Jesus’s flesh in the form of a cracker literally living out Emmanuel, God with us, in us, sustaining us with our daily bread.
For my loneliness , especially with the loss of my older sister, the Communion of Saints, men and women familiar with pain and self-sacrifice to draw close to the Man of Sorrows. These brothers and sisters in Christ are just ordinary sinners, spouses, parents, servants and teachers. Though I am socially distanced alone, I am spiritually always closely surrounded.
So I approach each Sunday with hope that the deeper I dive into the Faith, the darkness of brokenness is seen clearly and healed fully by the Light. Though I don’t really enjoy this truth, brokenness is the start of wholeness. Cuz if you don’t know it’s broken you can’t fix it!
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