One of the most fundamental statements of faith is this: your life is not about you. You’re not in control. This is not your project. Rather, you are part of God’s great design. To believe this in your bones and act accordingly is to have faith. When we operate out of this transformed vision, amazing things can happen, for we have surrendered to "a power already at work in us that can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine." Even a tiny bit of faith makes an extraordinary difference.”
Bishop Robert Barron
I hit rock bottom, hard, like a crash- dummy driving into a cement wall at sixty- miles-per-hour. For as a recent mother of an infant and a toddler, I find myself mourning the lost of sleep, a spotless household and solitude. Despite such sorrows, though, I surrender to serenity found in sacrifice.
SLEEP: Breastfeeding, or even sleeping having a baby means lack of uninterrupted sleep. My one month old sleep patterns at night: fall asleep st 10:40pm and then wake up and cry on and off from 3:00am until 5:00am feeding time. Sometimes he sleeps to a glorious 4:30pm, and he usually falls asleep again at 6:00am until 8:30am (thus momma gets an hour catnap prior to taking care of the two year old around 8:00am). Overall, not entirely terrible for a young baby (up to six hour straight sleep); yet the desirable eight hours of sleep is a bygone time. One night, our dear-little-alarm-clock awoke at 2:30am and I completely lost my calm!Shoving a pacifier into his mouth while crying, I actually said some potty-words banded from any loving vocabulary. Then I realized how I resent giving up sleep for my children and how much I needed grace to offer up comfort idol of sleep. After all, my second son’s tears comes from needing comfort, not a spiteful action to attack his momma’s sanity.
SPOTLESS: Clutter, dirt and disorganization irks me when in my space. So, I’ve always strived and scheduled time to keep up cleaning our home and throwing out excess items (i.e broken toys, worn out clothes, my husbands stuff-just kidding!). A clean, open space with lovely decorations and cozy furnishings gives me such satisfaction. Yet, one Sabbath day during “nap-time” while I attempted to relax in a bubble bath, my toddler managed to disperse the entirety of his wardrobe; as well as dump his entire toy-bin. I, now feeling deprived of relaxing time and my sense of spotless-household-control, snapped at the sight, bawling tears as if my toddler intentionally destroyed his room in an assault on his mother rather than just a curious and capable toddler exploring his room.
SOLITUDE: As a mother of littles, I mourn the loss of my own self, and my own body. Activities I miss and must let go of in this particularly season of motherhood:reading a book for half a day, longer naps, long runs for exercise, traveling, playing tennis, and eating a long leisurely meal in a restaurant. Also the changes in my body (weight gain, stretch marks and being the sole food source for another human being) shifted me away from a more independent and in shape self.
SERENITY: My adult tantrums showed a the sickness in my soul that idolized comfort in sleep, spotless spaces and solitude . However, as a mom-of-littles, God sanctifies me into sacrificial love stewarding his little souls in a messy home, always ready arms, and less, but some, personal free time. As a crash-dummy hitting that cement wall, my breaking point, I installed effective airbags to soften the low-points of mom life:
PRAY, CONNECT, GO.
I pray for God’s sustenance to be faithful to Him through being faith-filled by Him.
I focus on connecting with my kiddos (reading stories, speaking, doing an art activity, making meaningful eye-contact) prior to complete a to-so list.
I go care for my home (chores) and body (exercise).
This PCG mentality transforms my days into stillness, play and work in a serene balance that creates days more like a leisurely drive rather than a race-track, a better way to move forward.
So, I PRAY, I CONNECT and I GO.
“And this faith tells me that it is love who is destroying me, who is slowly consuming me; then I feel a tremendous joy, and I surrender myself to him as his prey.”
-Saint Elizabeth of the Trinity
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