Advent, the season of anticipating; a time of preparation for my son’s first Christmas: hanging shining lights that hypnotize my rapid crawler as he tugs and chews the soft ordainments hung within his reach.
Anticipation implies waiting which entails a time of transition. Thus the suffix “anti” or “against” seems befitting, for often my heart struggles with the process; restless for the results. I strive for the next step and checking off my good list twice.
Right now I am antsy to figure out my job situation, if working part time teaching online will supplement income enough for me to stay home with little man. Furthermore, I am eager to complete little tasks such as gift shopping and to witness big moments like my son‘s first steps. I wrestle with answers to questions beyond my ability to know such what will my career look like as a mother and how will the loss of my sister to a mental disorder manifest in my own new little family? My mind is a bundle of nerves like Christmas lights entangled after a long year of hibernation.
Advent expresses the waiting for eternity- the coming of Christ; thus, on this side of Heaven in the wasteland of Eden this is our constant state. Waiting, transiting, changing: our current reality.There is no next step towards arrival, because by stepping we have arrived. The to-do list never ends, the mom fears don’t disappear but transform from ”is my infant breathing?” to “is my baby learning and socializing okay?”, and figuring out finances is life-long unless you win the lottery. So transitionary is the state of humanity.
What do we do with this always Advent? Wise women in my Thursday morning Bible study chose to seek the phrase “Let joy be joy.” So the responses to question marks comes in comas, not periods. The series of little big moments that define daily joy:
little fingers wrapped around my hand, my husband stroking my cheek, the gentle glow of blinking Christmas lights framing our neighbor‘s garage, the soothing taste of hot coca on sore throats, singing off key to Christmas carols when unloading the dishwasher, eating a daily chocolate until Christmas,...
May your advent season/life be full of comas so that joy may be joy.
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