School Bus Stresses

"How did I get here?" 8:20am on the second week of school, my sons's preschool starts at 8:30am, locked and loaded I cocked my foot on the pedal ready to shoot down the street. Then the ultimate road block and patience-tester pulled onto the to neighborhood: the big yellow school bus. In our little neighborhood, students gather on the a side street next to a stop sign, not on the main road that harbors our only entrance and exit.  On this morning of my fierce desire to drive my son to school quickly, the bus driver saw me approaching, preemptly stopped on the main road rather than generously turning to the side -street. Furthermore, the lovely elderly gentlemen graciously gifted only me with that flashing red stop sign.  However, rather than deter my determination, this power-crazed symbol enraged me like a mandator's red cape in a bullfight and I accelerated past mumuring a few unladylike terms under my breath.

  Unbeknownst to me, my school county's school buses cleverly carry dashboard cameras and automatic censors to record when igniting that flashing red stop sign like a concealed weapon.  Also, after receiving a fine in the mail for choosing to ignore what I deemed a corrupt use of such great power to stop traffic unnecessarily, I learned more difficult truths:

1. when issued a recorded ticket by a camera rather than a cop, local county courts deem this offense a civil dispute thus lacks the jurisdiction to reduce the penalty even with a hearing.

2. and  a state-wide law fines violators of passing a school bus stop sign signal with a minimum of one grand even for a first offense (talk about grand theft auto).

  So how did I get here? The point of reckless driving with a lack of patience and a resentment towards others in positions of power?!  When life throws a curveball and you swing until you strike out, one must sit on the bench and reflect on how to get back in the game.   How may I grow in grace allocating space for minor inconviences and major challenges with patience and hope trusting trials shall past and joy shall last?

So to combat my tunnel focus I am begging Jesus, the healer of the blind, to open my eyes to SEE.

1. SEE God: to look around and see God's always -presence and endless -blessings in the small moments such as cotton-candy- cloud formations and the contagious happy sounds of my baby giggles.

2. SEE myself: rather that treat myself as a task-master robot able to compute endless to-dos continuously, I accept my limitations and weaknesses as a mortal being of flesh and bone. To ease the stress of mundane productivity, by incoporrating meaningful activities simply for pleasure (reading a book, coloring an adult coloring book, laying flat and soaking in a second of sunshine).

3. SEE others: sometimes in autodrive, I lack compassion for roadblocks, and even traffic due to accidents. Likewise, when oecerwhelmed with taking care of my children and our home, I forgot to delight in them despite difficult behaviors (all the absolutely triggering ones suhh as whining, fussing and yelling). Even  strangers sometimes feel like obstacles, and I tend towards judgment rather than empathy. To see others- requires a compassionate heart and an understanding mind shown in small actions such as smiling at strangers and making eye-contact with my children dailly.

   Thus in seeing God, myself and others, I may actually see and surrender especially to stop signs on school busses. Such low moments such as rushing so fast that stress squeezes out any internal serenity found in the sanctuary of a still-small- soul, I may rise to look up and truly see the things above.