Five Stages of Processing as a Potty Trainer Parent

"Hot tempers cause arguments, but patience brings peace." 

-Proverbs 15:18 

Potty training toddlers, like grieving a deceased loved one, an inevitable stage of life, produces a wide range of emotions in the person training the skill.  Though not as sorrowful as losing someone, potty training kills a parent's false sense of control. For like when a baby sleeps, only the toddler chooses when he/ she relieves his/her bowels, and therefore dictates the parents' schedule.  For to train a child to use the toilet rather than the easier and more convenient diaper, requires patience of a monk and the perseverance of a triathlete.  The process includes watching the child's body language for the cues to relieve, somehow hoodwinking a resistant toddler to sit on the toilet and consistent reactions and responses to the whims of a little tyrant (as all healthy toddlers behave- dictatorial). 

1. Denial about the length and exhaustion of the journey: this process will be easy and over quickly- in three days we will be able to venture off to playgrounds and in public again- after all girls are easier to train than boys (this my third go-around after potty training two boys) and my daughter speaks so articulately so shall easily communicate her need to go.

2. Anger about the lack of progress: Why do I, the primary caregiver with the time and availability to potty train must be the one to do this? Why must one child dominant all my mental capacity and attention leaving the other siblings stranded to mostly fend for themselves? Why can't she just sit and go use the restroom? With her ability to hold her bladder, she pees only every several hours and when I turn around for a second!!

(not to mention poop and pee clean up multiple times a day sometimes with colorful language murmured in anguish) 

3. Bargaining begging for the child to progress: From bribing with watching "baby shark" on my phone to bribing with wearing clothes (my daughter despises nudity) and/or going on a walk adventure if "you just go pee-pee in the potty." Even breaking the carnal rule of bribing with candy, crossed my desperate mind (for the reward is praise about the skill not external rewards). Desperation results in poor trading skills!

   
   

4. Depression- despair about failing this process: In utter defeat, I despair that I shall not ever catch my daughter in the act of peeing (watching a child for an hour and a half straight with nothing does this). Furthermore, I fear we failed in this process, thus wasting the precious spring break of my eldest son and sacrificing a part of my sanity for no reason or reward. Also, I worry that this journey towards bowel-movement independence shall occur over weeks possible a month thus limiting my preferred venturing outside the home mothering style. With potty training requiring hours in the home with little to do other than hyperfocus on a single child, boredom breeds sorrow easily (especially for extroverts who prefer interaction).

5. Acceptance in surrendering control and embracing the journey: In brief moments of relief, my child chooses to pee and poop in the toilet, thus providing a scenic view in this arduous climb up  mount toilet training.  From this vantage point, I see the season passing and the end of the trail from babyhood to full toddlerhood. Thus, I embrace the journey knowing, like so many points especially in the early days of mothering require growing pains. Also, I accept my emotional roller-coaster with all the denial, anger, bargaining, and depression as my own personal growth in patience and perseverance. 

So to all parents processing the five stages of responding to potty-training, keep trekking, like in grief, the only way is through. The process absolutely sucks, but the product provides a beautiful view as we journey to let go and let grow.